Ani and Hakob are aware that many couples find it uncomfortable and inappropriate to talk about money. Yet, they believe discussing this topic with your partner shouldn’t be intimidating.

Ani and Hakob are the heroes of today’s financial-romantic story. They often engage in open and transparent conversations about their problems, worries, and goals to understand and know each other better and set goals together.

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. On this occasion, our heroes decided to help you and your valentine pay more attention to one of the most important aspects of a relationship—money.

When to talk about money with your partner

Ani and Hakob are sure that a couple needs to talk about finances from the beginning. “It doesn’t matter how long you have known each other; now is the right time to talk about your spending habits and money mindset,” they say.

Our couple recommends having conversations about money:

1. When you’re in the early stages of your relationship

Ani recalls that having some simple and brief conversations about finances helped her know Hakob better. She was trying to talk about sharing dating expenses, to which Hakob objected. Yet, they agreed over time: each would contribute according to their ability, while surprises and gifts would be welcomed and appreciated.

They also found it appropriate to discuss their sources of income and salaries. “You need to make sure your partner is ready to share this kind of information with you in the first place,” mentions Hakob. Anyway, he wouldn’t advise asking questions about debts or loans at this stage.

2. When you’re about to make a life-changing decision together

When planning for the future, talks over finances became inevitable in Ani and Hakob’s life. They were already considering getting married or living together and soon realized they had much to be done. They needed to discuss everything in detail—place of living, rent, everyday payments, etc. Yes, their opinions on these issues differed, but both knew they needed to come to an agreement. Hakob and Ani also realized they couldn’t control everything and helped each other take things easy.

Ani also mentions a key point: “Your future self will thank you if you consider the possibility of having children in the future and discuss with your partner the financial issues that may arise, as well as potential solutions.”

Our heroes lead by example: discussing important questions and foreseeing possible problems beforehand will help reduce conflict. Finally, it’s worth it to talk even more about finances:

3. When you are married and happy

One reason you are happy is that you have discussed one of the most important topics—money. Make sure to continue discussing it more actively, as your financial goals and spending habits may change over time.

To achieve goals hand in hand, get into an honest dialogue with your partner without hiding anything. To learn how to enter into such a dialogue, we will come back to Ani and Hakob.

5 tips to talk about money with your partner

Now that it’s clear that talking about money since the start of the relationship is worth it, let’s see how we can continue the talk more effectively and positively by observing Hakob and Ani’s example.

1. Commit to never micromanaging

Managing shared finances does not involve micromanaging—demanding or expecting your partner to account for all expenses. Hakob and Ani see no problem making unplanned payments for their entertainment or personal needs. They realize that everyone has their portion of freedom in relationships, which does not prevent them from being conscientious and honest with their partner.

2. Plan financial dates

To manage your finances better, you can schedule financial dates dedicated to discussing financial plans. It can be anything from planning a trip, investing, applying for a loan, or anything else. You’d better decide on what you are going to talk about beforehand so that the discussion turns into an organized one. Thanks to such dates, you might better understand your attitudes to money and notice the steps each of you makes to achieve the common goal. Hakob and Ani often date and actively discuss money by identifying problems, analyzing them, and celebrating success.

3. Compromise

Ani and Hakob sometimes disagree when having discussions. But they respect and accept each other’s views and methods of managing money. Of course, Ani hasn’t wrapped her head around the reason why on earth Hakob needed that fifth hoodie :D But she also realizes that she already has a large vintage collection, which Hakob might not find reasonable.

Our ideas about money management are influenced by different environments and other factors. Blaming the partner for their spending habits, lack of financial literacy, or another reason will at least leave a scar on your relationship. However, accepting different approaches and finding the golden mean will make room for mutual understanding.

4. Never lie about your financial situation

People often experience a feeling of guilt and shame if they spend too much or have debts.

Being deprived of a job and her only source of income, Ani had accumulated debts and would avoid talking about that. Developing a close relationship with Hakob over time, she realized she could no longer hide this situation: it would be revealed sooner or later and get in the way of their plans. Worst of all, she would lose Hakob’s trust in her. She eventually told Hakob about it, and they worked together to pay off the debt as soon as possible. Ani advises being honest and transparent regardless of what problem you are facing.

5. Learn together

Financial literacy was unfortunately not included in our school curriculum, but it doesn’t stop us from educating ourselves in adulthood. So, at the beginning of their joint life, Hakob felt he couldn’t save money. Ani suggested that they apply for a course on financial literacy together.

You can also learn together: consider listening to podcasts, enrolling in online courses, getting in touch with a specialist, or finding the option that will work best for you.

—

You might think that Hakob and Ani came to all this the easy way. But there were indeed difficulties accepting each other’s habits, opinions, and decisions. We share this story as a positive, simple, and exemplary case. It’s worth remembering that many people avoid talking about money, so it takes mutual thoughtfulness, respect, and trust to refer to this topic.

Hopefully, Ani and Hakob’s story will help you have healthy conversations about money with your sweetheart. Happy Valentine’s Day! ^-^